Ask Dr. Barb: Working from home and weight gain

Working from home can mean more sitting and more snacking. Photo by Emiliano Vittoriosi Dear Dr. Barb,

Before I started working from home, it was easy for me to eat less when I noticed I was putting on weight. Now meals and snacks are what I look forward to each day to cope with boredom, stress and a job that I do just for the paycheck. I feel like I’m too far gone to turn things around, which just makes me want to eat more. Then I feel worse for not having the self-control I once had. My company goes back to the office in June, and I worry that my “dad bod” will affect how people see me, and that it will be harder for me to get another “great job.” How can I turn this around?

Dear Reader,

It seems you are eating for emotional comfort, not because you are necessarily hungry. When you eat for emotional reasons, there may be a tendency to overeat and then feel pretty guilty about losing self-control.

Occasional overeating may be normal — when enjoying holiday dinners or having a piece of cake after a big meal to celebrate a birthday, for example.

Overeating to relieve negative emotions like stress or boredom, on the other hand, can be a sign of disordered eating. If done frequently enough, this could lead to binge eating or other eating disorders.

The good news is that you are not too far gone, and it is never too late to turn this problem around. Sometimes, just starting to make changes can be very empowering. Moreover, the longer you wait, the more difficult it becomes to break the vicious cycle: eating to calm your stress, putting on unwanted pounds, eating more to soothe feelings of shame about yourself and your body, and then feeling powerless to stop.

In order to break the overeating cycle, it will be helpful to set up a realistic goal plan. Goals can address a more balanced and healthy way of eating, a more positive appraisal of yourself and a more realistic outlook about your next job. The plan may not work perfectly at first, so it may require making some changes from time to time to help you stick with it.

First, regarding your eating, your challenge in working from home is that food is so easy to reach for. Also, because you are eating for emotional comfort, you are probably choosing foods that are low in nutritional value and high in calories.

It will be helpful to find a way to focus on healthier eating choices, like more fruits and vegetables, and to limit or, if possible, eliminate high-calorie snacks from your shopping list. Some individuals do well with a food schedule such as three separate meals a day with one healthy snack in between.

When tempted to take an extra snack break, think of replacing it with some relaxing physical activity, such as a quiet walk, one or two yoga stretches, or even a brief meditation to clear your mind of stressful thoughts.

Going to a gym for more intense physical activity will, of course, burn calories and build physical strength; however, it also will be important to build inner strength.

Start by not worrying so much about your body image and how people will see you when you return to your office. Being too critical of your bodily appearance — or that of others — is a form of body shaming, often influenced by messages from the media as well as from friends and family.

These ongoing messages imply that we have to care so much about looking slim. Worrying about being overweight usually lowers self-confidence. As an example, you mention how your weight gain will make it harder to get a “great job.” It seems you are putting “skinny” pressure on yourself, and that your expectations of how you want to appear in the eyes of others are unreasonable.

Being so hard on yourself can create undue stress and leave you feeling emotionally insecure. We all cannot have “ideal” body shapes. Nor should anyone define themselves by their weight or shape and what others consider to be ideal.

Going forward, it will be healthier for you to focus on aspects of yourself that you like and are confident about. Having a positive self-image will be very helpful in your search for a new job. And, it doesn’t have to be a “great” job, but a job that will be a good match for your talents, skills and interests.

In order to understand your capabilities, it also is wise to accept in what ways you may need to grow career wise. Making peace with how you look, who you are and who you can become is a great way to build your inner strength. This approach to a positive future outlook can bring about more opportunities for mental calmness as well as personal development.

Barbara L. Rosenberg, Ph.D, is a licensed psychologist whose Telehealth practice serves individuals of all ages, couples and families. She previously chaired educational and social programs for the Essex-Union County Association of Psychologists. Contact her through BarbaraRosenberg.com.